donkey time

when passing by different animals, it never ceases to amaze me how humans have managed to control most of them. for example - if i were a dog, i would like to think that if i were starving, i would simply jump up and bite the neck of the meatiest human i saw and eat for days off of that. if i were a horse, and some guy was whipping me to make me walk and carry heave stuff, i would like to think that i would hoof him in the head and be done with it all. if i were a cow, i would like to think that i would gore at least one person before they ground me up - and im sure pigs and sheep could do something hardcore as well. however, ive figured out teh weay in which people control animals - its the same method that people use to control other people: easy and secure access to food!

people as well as animals are generally lazy and seek the nearest and easiest options for whatever it is they are seeking. and, if a guy promises a donkey some food, the donkey will gladly carry 200 pounds worth of baggage on its back while scaling the andes mountains in service of trekkers such as myself. of course, donkeys eat grass, which is readily accessible in many places, but they want the good stuff. for example: anna and i had a tradition when we were living in the tent during our trek where before we went to bed, we would eat chocolate. very exciting, i know, but it was actually good chocolate. anyway, one morning, we woke up, unzipped the tent, and a donkey was standing right there so that we couldnt even get out without moving the donkey. luckily it is easy to move a donkey, just by moving near him, but as soon as anna left the tent, he came back and inched ever so closer so that his snout actually crossed the plane of the tent door. after staring at him for a while and petting his head, i paid him no mind and continued packing my stuff and emptying the tent. then, i went over to eat breakfast with the rest of our trekking troop. however, the donkey hovered around the bag where the chocolate and yesterdays garbage was. i watched him as he inched ever so much closer to it and put his tennis ball sized nostrils all over it, savoring the sweet smell of leftovers. he got none.

the next day, we were eating lunch next to a river. it was an ideal spot. snow capped mountins, little brook, warm weather, but a fresh breeze, all that. then a donkey came up. we were eating apples and cookies and the donkey stopped short ehind us and just stood with his stoic donkey lips pointed at the ground and his massive donkey head (think horse head on deer body) hung low under the weight of its mass. he was peaceful enough, so we kept eating and turned back to the river. when i turned back around, the donkey was directly in my face so that if he had wanted to, he could have swallowed me whole through his nose. it was then that i figured something else out about donkeys: the absurd size of their head in relation to their body serves as an optical illusion. a donkey, if approaching you at eye level, and from sraight on, can approach you without you really noticing because the whole proportion of the head to their body makes it virtually impossible to gauge any depth perception. head moves closer, the long donkey snout is right next to you before you know it - before you can really understand whether or not the donkey is moving, or putting you under a spell with its enormous head. looking at a donkey straight on is like looking through a fish-eye lens. anyway, this donkey was rewarded with a portion of apple that anna didnt want - not that there was no grass around, or even low bushes that he could have eaten, but he wanted the good stuff.

the next morning, while we were waiting around in the morning to start walking, i noticed a donkey standing around rubbing his nose in some dirt. under closer inspection, i saw that he was in fact digging up the dirt with his hoof so as to find roots under the surface of the earth. then, with his big fat donkey tongue, he would wrap up the roots, and with his teeth and a tug, using his neck, he would rip the roots from the ground. then, he would, with the roots in his mouth, swirl the roots in the sand as you or i might swirl a piece of bread in some remaining sauce on our plates after eating. this donkey did not want the good stuff.

at last, when we finished trekking, there was a little area for everyone to sit. it may have been someones house, but they let people hang out there. the donkeys came too, and we were eating oranges. i had finished peeling my orange and was about to eat it when two donkeys came and stood in front of me. their faces are too stoic to really beg like dogs (there was a dog sitting next to him doing the thing with their eyes and ears and wagging its tail and whimpering). instead, they just stood straight, stared at me, and i stared at them to make sure that they wouldnt come so close as to steal my food from me, but even as i stared at them, they mesmerized me with the gigantic head and i was caught off guard until before i knew it, they were almost with their snouts resting on my leg. i was bewildered, and in awe of this awesome animal who had the power to apparently stop time for a second or two as it moved closer. i then realized that the huge head was really housing an equally huge brain, capable of contacting other dimentions, and their ears - their huge point elf, spok ears the size of traffic cones were really antennae used to contact other planets. i decided to placate these donkeys with my orange peel, lest they think badly of me when the donkey president calls upon his subjects to begin using their space/time manipulation skills for world domination. when that day comes, i will gladly carry their bags for them.